When I set myself out with an agenda, I fail. Always. When I have the end product, how I want people to react, I fail. When I set time tables and goals and care what people think about what I'm doing, I fail.
I've learnt to do art backwards. In VCE (Victorian Certificate of Education) we are told to create a mood, an idea, it's about what we want our audience to see.
The thing is, I've never been good at people pleasing. I have never figured out what people wanted from me. If I dive into an artwork thinking "what am I trying to tell my audience", well then, how can I see into the depths of my artistic spirit when I'm focuses on shallow eyes looking at me who aren't even there?
An artist needs space to fail, to grow, to learn. I see the term "happy accident" when reading blogs all the time. It's so much easier to see those when you're not on a time limit, have an agenda, or audience focused. You will never stop learning. You will always make mistakes. You will annoy yourself, your critics, your patrons (aka my dad). As soon as I focus outward and not inward, I lose the plot trying to gain approval with a perfect performance instead of trying to get what is in my heart to create out.
This is my midnight sketch. I want to call it "As Far as the East is from the West".
I know what it means to me. Do I know what it will mean to you? Of course not. I can't see your head. Will it have the same meaning as me? Probably not. I can't control that. It's out of my hands.
So here is a midnight sketch. It's messy, spontaneous, but let's see if it goes somewhere.